ABigBlueBalloon

I'm sorry about my absence here on DeviantArt. I went through a severe depressive/depersobalization episode that lasted for two and a half months. After some work, my psychiatrist and I have found the right dose of the right medication, which seems to have helped a lot. This episode was triggered by invasive memories, reliving trauma through my nightmares, and my partner whom I lived with (and still live with) became very emotionally and verbally abusive over the months that we were together. He became increasingly controlling and at one point got mad at me for not answering my cell phone during an AA meeting. There were a lot of things I couldn't do, and I didn't feel quite okay about being on DeviantArt; I had to keep this a secret, along with many other things, because I fear(ed) his disapproval. If he didn't like where I was, what I was doing, and who I was hanging out with, there would be a huge fight and he would gaslight me every time I tried to talk to him about it. I broke

I've finally uploaded my whole painting portfolio that I've made so far this year--plus some old paintings I dug up while cleaning my room. I've also added some photos I have taken over the past few months--my favorites that I caught on my DSLR. I love the camera Mom gave me last November. Originally, it was her camera, but for some reason that I don't remember--maybe she got a new one?--she just gave it to me. I love photography; it's a good mindfulness practice. And you can get some surprisingly good photographs--some by accident, right place and the right time; and others caught intentionally, timed right, planned. You gotta plan around the times of day and the weather. Unfortunately, we'll be getting snow soon--we had our first snowfall last Friday. We've had a few windstorms blow in, as well. Winter is coming, LOL. Not one of my favorite times of year, to be honest--what with the rain, snow, cold, shorter days, and longer nights. But I love the Northwest. I don't think I could