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About Varied / Hobbyist Core Member Dimitri AlexanderMale/United States Recent Activity
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California Cloud by ABigBlueBalloon California Cloud :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 3 0 Los Angeles, California Sunset by ABigBlueBalloon Los Angeles, California Sunset :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 1 0 Sax Player by ABigBlueBalloon Sax Player :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 2 0 Life by ABigBlueBalloon Life :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 6 0 Open by ABigBlueBalloon Open :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 4 0 Fountain by ABigBlueBalloon Fountain :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 2 0
Literature
The Light of an Oncoming Train
They say
there’s a light at the end of the tunnel
but
they don’t know that
the light belongs to
an oncoming train
and
the real question is:
will I (or won’t I)
step in front it?
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Literature
Disappearing With The Dawn
“I love you,”
I say in my dreams
as we kissed like we
used to, like our love
was enough to take on
the world.
“I love you,”
I mumble as night gives
way to morning, as if
those three words could
keep me in my dreams
long enough to say
good-bye.
“I love you,”
I whisper to cold sheets
as I slowly surface into
the morning, knowing
that you’re too far away
to actually hear me.
But I still don’t want you
to disappear with the dawn.
:iconABigBlueBalloon:ABigBlueBalloon
:iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 1 0
Literature
Valentine's Day
I want to give you something special
for Valentine's Day, but all I have is
this piece of paper,
a pen, and a poem in my heart
and tears in my eyes about how
much it hurts being so far away from you.
:iconABigBlueBalloon:ABigBlueBalloon
:iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 3 1
Literature
Dragon Slayer
You
sent
me
away
to slay dragons
but all I wanna do
is
become
friends
with
them.
I mean, let’s be real here
for a minute—
dragons
fly
and
breathe
fire,
and their scales
shimmer in the sun.
And, let’s be real
here for a minute,
maybe befriending my dragons is
what
you’re
really
afraid
of,
because then
you
can’t
hurt
me
anymore.
:iconABigBlueBalloon:ABigBlueBalloon
:iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 1 2
Literature
New Hearts Don't Replace Feelings
I.
I feel like the world
has
stripped
away
everything
from
me
in one violent, gigantic tug,
tearing out my heart and
leaving
a
gaping,
ragged
hole
in my chest, and
I
wasn’t
strong
enough
to fight it off
in time to stop the bleeding.
II.
You tried to extract
the
meaning
of
home
from my heart,
but you forgot to
erase
the
memories
from
my
mind,
and I’ll forever resent
my
heart
being
the
price
tag
and your justification that
I
feel
too
fucking
much
for
the
“wrong”
fucking
people.
I don’t remember putting you
in charge of my life.
III.
Please
don’t
go,
I’m
dying.
IV.
The doctors stitch me up.
I can feel
my
heart
pounding
painfully
in
my chest
underneath a scar
nobody else can see.
Who
am
I
now,
without
a
home?
My mind remembers in dreams,
and
all
I
can
feel
is
grief.
My new heart hurts
because it remembers
what
home
feels
like
and
I
can’t
go
back.
V.
New hearts
don’t
replace
feelings.
So where does that leave me?
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Literature
The Language of the Heart
Crying is the language of the heart
when grief and pain are too big
to put into words.
I cry for memories, for
the ones I hold dear and for
the ones that are too great to bear.
My tears speak volumes and write
memoirs to once was and to
what will never be again.
If you listen to the language
of my heart, would you
finally understand my song?
If you read my tear-soaked memoir,
would you see the truth
behind my tears?
Or would it be too much for
you to handle?
:iconABigBlueBalloon:ABigBlueBalloon
:iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 2 1
A Glimpse Of Paradise II by ABigBlueBalloon A Glimpse Of Paradise II :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 5 0 A Glimpse of Paradise I by ABigBlueBalloon A Glimpse of Paradise I :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 3 0
Literature
Invitation
Look, I don’t think you understand—
I open these doors, I let them in—
the menacing shadows that seek
to follow me, the mousey doubts
that nibble at the pages of my
dreams and the moonlit ghosts
that haunt me, even in the daytime—
because they won’t let me go or
leave me alone, and even the
strongest of drugs chase then away;
the strongest of locks do not keep out
shadows,
ghosts,
and mice
outside.
So I may as well invite them in
and get comfortable.
They do not know how to say good bye,
like me.
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:iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 1 0
Sunburst (Los Angeles, California) by ABigBlueBalloon Sunburst (Los Angeles, California) :iconabigblueballoon:ABigBlueBalloon 1 0

Favourites

Wildflower by katdesignstudio Wildflower :iconkatdesignstudio:katdesignstudio 74 3 Day 172 by MirageMari Day 172 :iconmiragemari:MirageMari 43 0 Day 173 Tell me a story about Poet and the Muse by MirageMari Day 173 Tell me a story about Poet and the Muse :iconmiragemari:MirageMari 46 6 pendant with lizard by KL-WireDream pendant with lizard :iconkl-wiredream:KL-WireDream 103 0 Shades of Autumn 2016, 7 by MadGardens Shades of Autumn 2016, 7 :iconmadgardens:MadGardens 66 8 Untitled by alina-ay Untitled :iconalina-ay:alina-ay 24 3
Literature
Naughty Little Game
Skin still steaming hot, water from my hair dripping, rushing down my bare body.
I run my hand against the blurred bathroom mirror, revealing my face. Smiling,
I pick up the towel and start drying my hair. I can’t wait for Rick to get home.
For some reason, I feel this longing sensation, this lust, like my body is calling for his.
An eerie kind of warmth filling my soul, becoming stronger and stronger as time goes by.
Eyes closed, I sit in front of the mirror, my fingers being dragged along my smooth skin,
almost at their own will. Electrified, jolting upwards, my eyes open wide, goose bumps all over my body.
I pick up my beauty products and move to the living room, waiting for Rick to come through the door.
I dim the lights and light some sticks and candles.
As I feel the aromas fill the room, my body gets hotter and hotter,
turning hungrier and hungrier for Rick’s magic touch.
With every touch of the cool body cream on my tight skin, my head tilts slightly b
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Reconcile by JillHoffman Reconcile :iconjillhoffman:JillHoffman 122 5 90's PIXELS by shi0ri 90's PIXELS :iconshi0ri:shi0ri 14 4 Mansfield Park by NatasaIlincic Mansfield Park :iconnatasailincic:NatasaIlincic 229 34 Bleeding hearts Kanzashi in kimono silk on a comb by hanatsukuri Bleeding hearts Kanzashi in kimono silk on a comb :iconhanatsukuri:hanatsukuri 27 18 W-out 0689  '  Prananna ' by W-out W-out 0689 ' Prananna ' :iconw-out:W-out 70 6 EVA DUB f/w 16-17 Campaign (11) by Michela-Riva EVA DUB f/w 16-17 Campaign (11) :iconmichela-riva:Michela-Riva 152 9 Dark Souls comic. Progress. by Daniele-Serra Dark Souls comic. Progress. :icondaniele-serra:Daniele-Serra 98 31 Unknown Germany pt. CCXXXXVIII by TheChosenPesssimist Unknown Germany pt. CCXXXXVIII :iconthechosenpesssimist:TheChosenPesssimist 266 3

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Dimitri Alexander
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person." — Fred Rogers

"Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light." — Madeleine L'Engle

"There are far, far better things ahead than anything we leave behind." — C. S. Lewis
Interests
  • Drinking: Apple juice
I got an MRI earlier this week because of my headaches, and my brain looks good. I worried about nothing. I'm surprised that my brain looked good, seeing that I was hit in the head with a vase last year. 
i've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder II. When I look back over the past three of four years, it makes sense. Bipolar disorder II is different from bipolar disorder I, which is the common ups and downs that everyone is familiar with. Bipolar II has the depression side, but has hypomania, or "mild mania," accompanied with irritability, anger issues, flying from one idea to the other, rapid and loud speech, and are hypersexual. People with bipolar II struggle more with the depression side than with mania or hypomania, and some have normal moods in between episodes. 

Other facts: 
--6 million people have bipolar disorder
--1 in 5 people diagnosed with bipolar disorder also are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 
--Bipolar II is 4 times more common than bipolar I

My biggest fear is that I won't be successful in life because of my bipolar II and my borderline personality disorder. Who would be friends with me, or love me? How will I hold down a job, or go back to school? How will I live life on my own?
I'm on gabapentin now and off lithium and Abilify. It helps with anxiety and mood swings. 
Jeremy and I don't talk much anymore. We argued yesterday about him not being there for me yesterday.
I had a really bad nightmare last night. I was back in middle school, reliving the bullying that I went through at that time. I was reliving relentless verbal and physical abuse, and it was just horrible. And it's not like I can talk to Jeremy about it; his life is "a full time job now." 
I dissociated today. it was only for 10 minutes, but it was the worst kind of 10 minutes that you could imagine. It was like my body didn't belong to me, and I was seeing me outside of myself. I had 4 months of not dissociating under my belt, too. 

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:iconpiasecka:
Piasecka Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2017
Thanks for all :+fav:es :aww: :heart:
:huggle: :love:
Reply
:iconpagan-live-style:
pagan-live-style Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2017
Welcome, and thanks for the support , greetz len.
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:iconjdart2014:
jdart2014 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2017   Digital Artist
Thank you Dimitri as always!
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:iconneo128:
Neo128 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2017   General Artist
Thanks for the fave. :meow:
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:iconjdart2014:
jdart2014 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2017   Digital Artist
Thank you Dimitri for the fave on 'Johnny...! Much appreciated!!
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:iconlenoremorte:
LenoreMorte Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2017  Student Writer
Ooooo thank you for the favorite!!! : D
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:iconafrican-ashur:
African-Ashur Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2017  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fav, this is great support since I restarted DA. 
Reply
:iconabigblueballoon:
ABigBlueBalloon Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconjdart2014:
jdart2014 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2017   Digital Artist
Thank you for the fave on Somewhere Inside...! :)
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